No Clown Zone

281

2010-06-05T04:14:00.000-07:00

This morning I weigh 281.

Already I am struggling with the posting of all I consumed yesterday. How on earth do people do this, honestly? Why does food have so much power?

My usual coffee shake for breakfast

Lunch: Seasoned hamburger, 1/2 avocado, salsa, shredded mexican cheese, in 2 lc tortilla wraps

Dinner: Salad (romaine, carrots, 1/2 avocado, caesar dressing), grilled pork loin

2 Margaritas

4 large spoonsful of peanut butter (definitely ate this in a compulsive sort of "have to have it!" manner

TGIF

2010-06-04T05:46:00.000-07:00

282.5
No surprise
Weight varies day by day
It's ok it's ok

Thought about it and decided to post my food, too. So now that's my newest new habit, posting everything I eat. I guess I need to make friends with the concept of "accountability"...

Yesterday:
Breakfast: Coffee shake (2 C skim milk, 3 splenda, 2 T instant coffee crystals, 1 t ff/sf white chocolate pudding mix (dry), 1 T half and half, 1 t vanilla whey protein powder.
Lunch: 2 hot dogs and about 1.5 C baked beans, comice pear , 1 glass of sweet tea
Dinner: Salad - lettuce and carrots and 1/4 shredded italian cheese, caesar dressing
1.5 pieces of panko breaded baked tilapia with melted gruyere, 3 T sauce (mayo/mustard/milk)
Snack: fresh berries (raspberries, strawberries, blueberries) with 1 tsp Framboise and a big blob of sugar free whipped cream

I'm out of sweet tea and I'm out of sugar. Let's see if I can get through Friday without it.

282

2010-06-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

Down 1/2 pound from yesterday. 282. Last night my hu sband wanted to go out for pizza. The very first thing I thought was that I'd have to 'confess' here that I ate a small pizza last night. I knew I couldn't just eat 1 or 2 pieces, because, well, you know.

When I looked at the menu, I saw something I'd never seen there before - stuffed portobello mushrooms. So that was my dinner and wow it was delicious and satisfying. Two portobello mushroom caps stuffed with fresh spinach, feta, sundried tomatoes, mozzarella - broiled and served on a bed of field greens and drizzled with balsamic vinagrette. Oh, and plus a 1/2 slice of my spouse's sausage pizza.

Plus sweet tea. Yeah, I had 4 glasses of sweet tea yesterday , altogether. I know I have to address this but not today, not today.

I am thinking about my next new habit...to add to "blog every day" and "drink a bottle of water every morning" and "go to the gym 5 days a week". Maybe "track my actual food consumption on the blog"? GOD that would be freaking painful on my more obsessive days. But I'll think about it.

282.5

2010-06-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

Of course I wait until I return home from the gym to weigh myself. I may have sweated off a few ounces after all. So today is 282.5.

Last night I had to run to Target for some bleach. The only thing that kept me from buying and consuming some little mountain of sweets was knowing that I had to blog my weight this morning....that was my first blog success, for sure.

So back to my list....blog every morning; drink a bottle of water every morning; and um....it's time for another guideline. Another component to this all-made-up bullshit diet/lifestyle thing I'm doing. Something I can commit to doing; something healthy and positive; something....

I've never been successful following "diets', from Weight Watchers to Low Carb to South Beach to Low Fat. I'm a cheater, a big lazy cheater. So I'm trying to figure out what is going to be healthy for me, based on all my years of actually eating food, and what I'll actually agree to do.

So...blog every morning; water every morning; and and and ok, well , let's commit to exercise. Exercise 5 days a week. I just started going to the gym on Monday, so today is day 3. I use the treadmill and the elliptical. Yeah, let's make that another healthy commitment. Excercise 30 minutes a day for 5 days a week.

Ok, I'm good with that.

Yeah, the facing-it part

2010-06-01T05:31:00.000-07:00

Another morning, another hop up onto the scale. Well, not hop exactly. Step gingerly, more like.

284.6

Today I weigh 284.6 pounds.

So, my new habit 1 was FACING IT and recording this every day. Every day.

My new habit 2 is DRINKING A BOTTLE OF WATER after breakfast. That's all. Not 8 cups a day, not replace all beverages with water, but just -- drink a bottle of water after breakfast. Ok. I started.

Ohhhh Yeah

2010-05-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

286

Pounds, that is.

I weigh 286 pounds.

Now, 306 was my all time high. And 160 was my post-college low.

But seriously, 286. Who WEIGHS that much???

Oh wait. I do. Me. 286.

My huge stomach is like a suitcase I carry around everywhere. It's heavy. Stairs are hard now. I'm on blood pressure medicine. It's hard to get up from chairs. Yes, rising from a chair is hard for someone who weighs 286 and has a stomach like a suitcase - a big soft squishy suitcase.

I've become that hugely obese middle-aged woman, that Gilbert Grape mom, that poor white Appalachian stereotype, that lives-for-food sad sack of a droopy blobby woman.

New habit #1: I am going to post my weight every day and if I don't have access to a scale that day, I will post my old weight. Every day, I will be accountable to this computer, this blog. In this way I am forcing myself to at the very least FACE THIS daily.

3/16-17/10 Low Carb Menu

2010-03-18T04:58:00.000-07:00

3/17/10

Gosh, it's been a while since posted. And it's been a while since I've been consistent on my low carb plan. But I went to the gym today. Second day in a row. Treadmill. 5am.

Breakfast: Coffee protein shake (1 T instant coffee powder, 1 T splenda, 1 Tff/sf white chocolate pudding mix, 1.5 cups skim milk, 1/2 scoop whey protein powder)

Lunch: 5 slices of bacon, 1.5 slices of american cheese, 1T mayo, low carb wrap, 1/2 cucumber, 1 piece of celery, 2T hummus

Dinner: Cheese and pepperoni and sauce from 1/2 of a large pizza

3/16/10
Breakfast: Coffee protein shake

Lunch: Tuna salad in a low carb wrap with swiss cheese

Dinner: Salad of Romaine, celery, cheese, cucumbers, roasted chicken with blue cheese dressing

Snack: 1 apple with swiss cheese

Hm. I seem to eat a lot of cheese.

6/10/09 Low Carb Menu

2009-06-11T05:11:00.000-07:00

Breakfast: Banana, low carb latte

Lunch: Low carb white pizza (low carb tortilla, mozzarella cheese, goat cheese, pesto)

Red pear

Snack: 2 slices swiss cheese

Dinner: Salad - chicken breast, romaine, celery, gruyere cheese, caesar dressing

1/2 of a diet coke and jack daniels with lime

The banana at breakfast - I've started exercising again and I know you should eat something higher in carbs after working out. I need to find something that sort of fits the 4:1 ratio of carbs to protein that is recommended. I am trying to stay away from my former post-workout breakfast - toast and peanut butter - because peanut butter can be a trigger food for me.

Low Carb Life

2009-06-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

So it's been several months now and I've been doing the low-carb thing. Its working. I feel less sluggish, happier and best of all I've lost over 30 pounds. I've been reading low-carb blogs online and the daily menus really help me figure out what to eat, so I thought I'd start recording my own meals once in a while. I drink water all day long.

Today

One-egg omelette with swiss cheese

Latte

Low carb pizza (low carb wrap, sauce, cheese, turkey pepperoni, pesto)

Pear

Chicken breast

Strawberries and whipped cream with Splenda

Diet coke with slice of lime

Notice the lack of veggies today? Just lazy.

Driving home one day...

2008-10-05T18:23:00.001-07:00

...I saw this. Of course I had to stop my car and take a quick photo.

It looks like this stuffed animal is "doing" the mailbox, doesn't it?

This photo needs a caption!

The term "jerk" comes to mind...

2008-10-02T05:44:00.000-07:00

According to rawstory.com, (http://www.rawstory.com/news/2008/McCain_temper_boiled_over_in_92_0407.html) in an exerpt from John Schecter's book, The Real McCain:

"Three reporters from Arizona, on the condition of anonymity, also let me in on another incident involving McCain's intemperateness. In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." McCain's excuse was that it had been a long day. If elected president of the United States, McCain would have many long days."

2008-09-27T16:16:00.001-07:00

It's my blog world, and I say NO CLOWNS ALLOWED

2008-09-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

Clowns scare me. They have such big happy smiles, the better to HIDE the evil inside, of course. When clowns look at you, they know things. Secret things. And they want to eat you. Clown faces are NOT ALLOWED here. It's MY blog world! Or dolls, because they have faces too and sometimes don't you think their little beady eyes follow you as you cross the room? Once I stayed in a friend's friend's guest room (Yeah that's you Laurie and Melania) and she had dolls on shelves all over the room. Six or seven or a thousand dolls, just looking down on me in my defenseless guest bed. I did what I had to do, of course. I slept, but I wasn't happy about it. And my friend's friend was puzzled the next day when she found all of her precious dolls facing the walls. At least their heads were still on. I'm so freaking brave.

So it goes without saying that I hate masks of all sorts - Halloween or Harlequin or Tribal or Dallas Socialite - and cooked faces. A whole fish on my plate? Absolutely not. Shrimp with heads as I hear shrimp are eaten in Spain? PLEASE. I'm going to Spain next year and the first Spanish phrase I need to learn is "I don't eat faces".

Long long ago, my ex-husband (EX for many more reasons than this, I assure you) and I went to a lovely restaurant in Maine and he ordered a whole lobster for me as a surprise. My breath stopped as the waiter approached our table with two lobsters on two plates. I braced myself. Not wanting to ruin the first somewhat romantic gesture VinnieBoomBa had ever attempted, I told myself Squeedlefish, you can do this! Be strong! I felt noble and empowered and transcendent. And then the waiter set my lobster plate in front of me - and then he TURNED the plate so the lobster faced me and the lobster's antennae, which draped well over the edge of the plate, scooted along the table cloth in little jumpy motions and looked ALIVE and MOVING and I burst into tears - really, burst! - and jumped out of my chair and told VinnieBoomBa to eat both of them and order me some crackers and I ran to the ladies room and had a little mini-freakout. =big sigh= Wow, just the memory is traumatic. Or was it the memory of VinnieBoomBa? Whatever. I'm calming down now, thanks.

I guess I should admit that I have problems with meat altogether. I can't eat anything that looks like what it is. Cornish game hen? No way. It's a whole little animal for the love of God! Rare meat? Rare as in red as in warm blood? No no no. Give me the overcooked dried out hockey puck of a burger any time. In fact, ground beef is the best meat of all because it doesn't look like dead animal from which it sprang. And I can eat eggs but only if I don't start thinking about it. Eggs, unborn chickens, chicken moms who lost egg babies, potential life destroyed for my dining pleasure...you know. The usual.

So, what are the charming idiosyncratic quirks that make YOU special?